As you may know, I'm fairly new to belly dance, just been in lessons for a year. Without getting into specifics about my relationship, I am allowed to continue belly dance (spending time & $$$ on lessons and costuming) as long as I show progress in a manner pleasing to my significant other. Some nights ago I was showing him videos of various types of belly dancers. In a nutshell, he likes cabaret type with lots of hip action (this is more how women dance in his native country), he thinks Rachel Brice is amazing but watching her his eye was mainly attracted to specific parts of her body at any one time, with tribal his eye was drawn to the heavy looking costume; with gothic he quickly got bored. He likes for the dance to be about all three. I really appreciated his feedback as it gives me direction as to what to keep studying and for future costuming ideas.
Has anyone else had such feedback from their partner? I really liked his opinions, have you liked comments you've received?
Zina
P.S. I'm posting this here as he's been really happy with the costumes I've put together which are mostly tribaret cause we like silky and sparkles!
Has anyone else had such feedback from their partner? I really liked his opinions, have you liked comments you've received?
Zina
P.S. I'm posting this here as he's been really happy with the costumes I've put together which are mostly tribaret cause we like silky and sparkles!
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Kansas
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sat, February 9, 2008 - 9:30 AMI have been studying bellydance for a little over three years, and over time my man has developed quite the eye for bellydancing. He can talk very specifically about dancers' abilities with regards to their isolations, their stage presence, etc. As such, he's become immeasurably helpful with my own dancing, as he can point out very specific things I'm doing right and wrong. But ultimately, he don't care what I'm doing as long as I'm having fun, and he's supportive whether I'm doing great or I'm frustrated. I'm a lucky gal. ;-) -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sat, February 9, 2008 - 11:08 AMmy dh(dear husband)
likes dancers to be confident and put effort into costumes-no matter what level they are at
He was totally disappointed seeing some girls wear sweat pants and t-shirts for our spring show
and some just looked like they rather be doing something else
I even took him to see the BDSS and he liked both Cabaret and Tribal
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sat, February 9, 2008 - 5:09 PMMy dudefriend liked my dancing skills so much he wanted to learn so he could keep up with me.
And he has quite a heaping mound of costuming opinions, dance style opinions and everything else. And he gets very irritated by bad costuming in almost an homosexual sense. He is far more vindictive of ill-fitted costumes or ones that are over-exposing or under done or cheap or . . .or . . . he is very picky, and outspoken about costumes.
And technique. He could complain about indigo belly dance!!
So on the whole, yes. Men are picky about the whole area of bellydance. -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sat, February 9, 2008 - 9:51 PM>>my dudefriend<<
Octavia, I love you....lol! -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sun, February 10, 2008 - 1:26 AMMy beloved other half is not critical of me at all...he is 100% supportive with no restrictions on my spendings, lessons or anything else related to bellydance.
And if he even dared to try to tell me what and how much I was 'allowed' to spend- he'd have gravel rash on his knees from begging me to let him out of the doghouse.
He has become very knowledgeable about BD, in all its forms, and is even learning to play the tabla so that eventually I'll be able to do a drum solo with him. -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sun, February 10, 2008 - 6:30 AMMy situation is much like yours Amara. As long as I am enjoying it and we can afford what I spend, my husband doesn't give it a second thought. He's not interested in learning drums or anything like that but he does volunteer at events -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sun, February 10, 2008 - 6:32 AMBecause boyfriend is such a frilly word.
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sun, February 10, 2008 - 8:10 AMMine won't help at events, sometimes he will attend a performance. Usually, he stays home and plays with the computer. Or Guitar Hero :) -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Sun, February 10, 2008 - 9:23 AMMy BF is fabulous about putting up with all the dance "stuff". I pay for my own classes (though one month I was short and he did cover me), and I pay for the bulk of my costumes, he is, however, responsible for my Bella, my Tribal Source belt and my Moresca costume.
He was an Arabic translator at one time, and knows a great deal about the culture and history of the Mideast. And he makes some wonderful Middle Eastern food :-)
As for what he thinks styles of dance... He does not like Egyptian lycra costumes, for the most part he likes Turkish styles with fuller skirts, and "old-school-now-tribaret" styles. He hates Melodia pants for dancing. He prefers fast songs over slow, and seems to enjoy drum solos alot. He doesnt much dig Tribal Fusion at all (its not much my thing either), though when we went to see BDSS he did like Rachel and Kami from the fusion group, and actually enjoyed a couple of the pieces more than I thought he would (Opa Cupa and the one where they were kinda mechanical dolls). He seems to like vids of Sonia, PJ and Ansuya when he's watching over my shoulder.
In all, he's quite tolerant of my obcession. ;-)
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 8:31 AMMy boyfriend definitely supports me in my bellydance "habit." :-) He will give me feedback if I ask for it on my costumes, hair, choreography, etc. He will come to a performance if I ask and he can afford it. But if he's seen the choreography before, he will usually beg off. He really just comes to give boyfriend support, rather than because he really like to watch bellydance (though he was very impressed at a performace by Bellydance Superstar Moria) As far as just being enraptured by watching me dance around the house, not so much. -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 8:37 AMMy dh will occasionally attend a performance, but otherwise doesn't seem to care one way or the other. He says he likes watching me dance and that I seem to be getting pretty good. But I suppose that's almost 12years of marriage talking. There's no discussion about the money I spend, so I figure it's a "don't ask / don't tell" thing.
Riding motorcycles is his thing - bellydancing is mine.
~E
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 10:11 AMYou are "allowed" to continue to belly dance as long as you "show progress in a manner pleasing" to your significant other???
I am of the mindset that bellydancing is a beautiful way for a woman to express herself, to get a good workout, and to get in touch with her feminity - regardless of what anybody thinks. I am not usually judgmental, but since you're asking, I say dance the way you want to dance as long as you're having fun - regardless of what your sig other thinks is sexy or whatever. -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 11:02 AMAll comments have been interesting. Kat, everything is about him. For real. -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Tue, February 12, 2008 - 10:14 AMHehehe, Kat, that was exactly what I was thinking.
If my fiance had a problem with my bellydance habit, I'd tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out.
srsly
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 1:19 PMMy husband is Greek so he was familiar with bellydancing at restaurants and as a social dance for a while already. Once I took up bellydancing and started to learn more about various styles he kind of learned along with me (probably due to my blabbing on and on about it ;) and he's developed more of a discerning eye himself. I took him to see BDSS and he really enjoyed the tribal dancers because it was something new for him, but he enjoys the cabaret performances as well. Nowadays when watching various dancers he might say, "this dancer has very clean isolations but that other dancer has some interesting footwork..." He's been very supportive since he knows how much fun I'm having with it (although his eyes will widen sometimes when he hears how much some things cost, and sometimes wishes I was a bit less busy -- we have a long weekend coming up and I've filled it up with a hafla, a charity show, and rehearsal!)
along the lines of this thread, take a look at this:
www.thehipcircle.com/assets/...dApp.gif -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 2:32 PMWow, i love that application!!!
I'm not to fond of the wording of the original post either, but not my business really.
My husband is extremely supportive. He goes to all my shows and takes care of our daughter during performances. He travels to workshops with me and after last year's Spirit and seeing Raquy and the Cavemen, he bought a drum and is taking a workshop himself at this year's spirit.
I make almost all of my costuming so he's ok when i spend additional funds for shiny objects. All in all, he's a pretty good supporter. -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 6:08 PMMy DH of 32 years has never begrudged me ONE PENNY OR ONE MOMENT I have spent in dance, even though at times I have gone overboard with time and money. He says it is because he sees the joy it brings me and that makes him happy. He enjoys watching the dance, socializing with the members of the troupe (spouses as well) and drumming with our drum circle, which includes several of the spouses.
I know my opinion doesn't really matter, but IMHO, if you aren't married to the guy, or if he is not your sole means of support, he doesn't really have the right to tell you if you can continue or not. Sends up a big red flag of a control issue. -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 6:34 PMI think even if a woman is married, or relies on someone for financial support, they should not put conditions on learning things like dance which gives the dancer such joy.
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 8:14 PMWhen the initial poster started this thread she stated "Without getting into specifics about my relationship..." - that tells me that she is in this relationship by choice, and I am going to guess that its prolly not a "normal" relationship. "It takes all kinds" is a very true statement in this world, and what makes some people freak out, actually makes others quite happy. Not going to drag out any details or psychobabble here, as this is not the forum for it, but I DO think she was hoping to avoid these type of remarks ;-) -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Mon, February 11, 2008 - 8:33 PMBasina, I understand where you are coming from, but perhaps Zina shouldn't have posted this thread at all if she didn't want her post coming under scrutiny? I know her personal relationship situation, and although I will not post regarding it, I was a bit concerned that she had posted discussing this when it is obvious from her post that her relationship does not fall within most peoples regard of a 'traditional' relationship, and therefore her partners response is entirely different from the average husband or boyfriend, and posted in a public thread leaves Zina wide open for criticism. I believe if she was worried about disclosing about her relationship, that she would have been better to have not said anything about it- because a lack of understanding her personal situation has led people to assume things, and to give her advice that is perhaps not so applicable given the true circumstances.
Zina I mean no disrespect, nor do I condemn you for your choices- I have many friends in your position, and I have also been there myself many many years ago- I am just concerned that your post (although not going into specifics) said enough to provoke the kinds of responses it has for those who are actually paying attention, and to those who saw your partners response as 'not quite the usual'.
I agree with Basina- It takes all kinds.... -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Tue, February 12, 2008 - 6:27 AMI DO believe that her initial phrasing should have been different, so as not to provoke off-topic discussion. I just wanted to head off the the reactions I saw coming before the whole thing got blow out of proportion ;-)
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Tue, February 12, 2008 - 7:53 AMI've been studying bellydance for just over a year too and my fiance is very supportive. I'm very lucky with him because he went to school for fashion design. We sit down a hash out an idea for costume or practice wear and he creates it from scratch, even makes the pattern, then I decorate. He loves getting involved that way. He also loves to come to performances or to just watch me dance around the house. I think he prefers Tribal because of the alternative music and tattooed dancers, but he does enjoy most types of bellydance....unless a dancer didn't put effort into their costume. -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Tue, February 12, 2008 - 3:28 PMI'm so very sorry to have started a thread which has gotten so off. If someone has been offended, my apologies. Please be assured everything is consensual. :)
It has been so nice, though, to read how other partners support you beautiful dancers. Especially awesome are those who have learned to drum or dance!
I'm sure I've written it before, I'm hear to learn from you. I love sparkly stuff and DIY. This tribe is the best.
Zina -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Tue, February 12, 2008 - 9:07 PMmmmmmmmmm...sparkleys......mmmmmmm :D
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Wed, February 13, 2008 - 10:57 AMNo apologies necessary, Zina. It's interesting to see how everyone's partners feel about their dancing. There is probably a far greater and more positive range of reactions now compared to how it would have been just a few generations ago, when everyone generally assumed that if a woman was bellydancing for an audience then she was (to quote what I heard from an older gentleman) "ready to give it away". -
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Wed, February 13, 2008 - 11:04 AMT,
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
I love time capsules like that. Thanks for the laugh.
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Thu, February 14, 2008 - 2:06 PM"Please be assured everything is consensual. :) "
I think that's all the assurance folks need. :)
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Re: Discussion topic - what does your guy think?
Fri, February 22, 2008 - 10:44 AMMy husband is extremely supportive of my "habit" and he's told me on more than one occasion that he really likes what bellydance is doing for my spirit AND my body. As of yet, he hasn't decided which style he likes best since I'm a baby-dancer and haven't been doing it very long but whatever I choose to do, he's on board with me.
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